A Key Should Find From Deep Inside My Heart

I just finished read Peter Pan's blog, and I realized that I should find my own key to open my heart.
But, where is it???
I think I know where it is, but do I really want to open?!
I really scare to face everything right now!!!
I have no idea why I keep messing up my life?
Some times I kept thinking about what I should do without actual action! Think about non-sense, saying about non-sense to myself... What the fuxk!!!
You know what!!! I don't know how to face to Joan.
She's keep helping me... and I lock myself without her hand!!!
Stubborn Charmaine... Haiz~~~

颓废的雪敏

我，雪敏。已经颓废了一段时间！
我还要颓废到几时？！我真的很想颓废吗？！我不想的，可是我就是没有办法振作。我很讨厌现在的我！
我很害怕！我很无助！我真的不知道要相谁说，如何说？
我知道没有人可以帮我，唯有我自己！
雪敏，我要你振作。站起来。要加油。为了你自己，为了她们俩。要加油！加油！

23rd September 2010

23rd September, a date of my birthday.
Yeah... My birthday today ^^
But macam nothing special!
What do I want from my birthday? I don't know actually!
A new Iphone? Haha... I hope to get Iphone (day dreaming)...
I don't want anything, I just wanna get back my "confidence"!
I wish myself all the dreams come true ^^
Happy Birthday, Charmaine ^^

Alone! Lonely!

Friday night, quite lonely!

Before I write this POST, I read my "Old Post". They make me think of "YOU".

"Hey, better STOP all these silly actions!" -->> my angel speak to my ear.

Not much feeling on you any more! It was a good thing for me.

Writing this post alone in my room, listening ratio... don't know how to express my feel! I really want to find someone to talk, accompany! But nobody (seems like)~~~

Tomorrow work! Get a early rest, really tired & busy!

Good night! Good night, Charmaine.

Please work hard for your future life, make it wonderful & meaningful.

Gambatte~~~ Go, Go, Go~~~

Today is Friday, no work TOMORROW~~~ ^_^

Yeah~~~ Yeah~~~ Today is Friday
No Work Tomorrow ^^
Below picture, I received from my friend. Since it was such a cute picture, so I post it here & share with you. "See No Work! Hear No Work! Speak No Work!" Cool Wordings, I like it ^^

FIFA World Cup, South Africa 2010. 23 days!

All these bola bola, I get from Bukit Indah, Jusco. Cute, right? Although I m not football fans, I still like it ^^

Never Ever, Pleaseeee~~~

Never say "I LOVE YOU", if you do not care.
Never talk about FEELINGS, if they are not there.
Never touch a LIFE, if you mean do break a heart.
Never look in the EYES, when all you do is lie.
NEVER, EVER... PLEASEeee!

Tuesdays, Special "You" on Tuesday!

Tuesday, what's special for today?
Actually nothing special on Tuesday. It was just surprised me.
I wasn't mean "Tuesday" surprised me! I was mean "You" surprised me.
Today, you called me.
This time, it wasn't shock me to get your call. I think no more afraid to get anything from you.
I meant your call, your msg. ^^ hahahaha~~~ why so afraid of you? You aren't going to kill me! SHILLY of ME!!!
Ok, actually what do you want from me?
I don't know what's the relationship of us?
Doesn't matter lar, that's not important! Because I know, we can't further anymore (relationship).
Just STOP here! That's better for you & me! Wasn't it???
I keep "You" inside my heart, & I never ever show to you. Promise~~~

F....我喜欢你，但那也只是曾经。谢谢你的不在乎让我学会了收回苦苦等待的心。

你已经好久没有主动打电话给我，甚至没有主动发过一条短信！
雖然前天你發了一条短信給我！你沒有帶給我開心，只有擾亂我的思緒！
我们就这样吧！就这样不再爱你. 不再为你心动。
你会不会？会不会像我想你一样想我呢……
距离拉长了思念，却阻隔了见面；让你离我好远好远。
眼看着身边的人一个一个都有了轰轰烈烈。我想是该放下你了。
回忆，仅仅是用来回忆。
不要说我不甘寂寞，因为我已经寂寞了好久。
不要说我用情不专，因为你从来不属于我。
也不要说我轻言放弃，你甚至连一个微小的回应都不曾给我。
那是因为爱，因为委屈，因为心痛……
不再留着你的短信不舍得删掉。
不再一遍一遍的回看我们的聊天记录。
不再眼巴巴的盯着手机期望你的电话。
不再上一整晚的MSN等你现身。
不再到处跟别人打听你的消息。
不再向好友倾诉自己的心酸，因为倾诉过一次，已经代表我决定放下你。
你拨动了我的心弦，却不曾为我驻足。
当我以为你还在的时候，你已没有踪影。
当你回头找寻我的时候，我已开始寻找自己的天空。
亲爱的F....，我把最美好最美好的年华留给了你。我，于你无愧。
亲爱的F....，我的青春有限，承担不起一生一世的等待。
亲爱的F....，让我骄傲一次。
这次是我不要你了。
我爱你的时候是真的爱你。我不爱你的时候是真的不爱你。
请不要怀疑，曾经，我愿意不顾一切的等你，愿意随时随地陪你，愿意在你身后默默的看你，为你的快乐而快乐，为你的悲伤而悲伤，
尽管，那些情绪，与我无关……
等待雖苦！更苦的是，没有希望的等待……
我爱你，但那只是曾经。

A Message from YOU!!!

To me,
today not a special day, it is just only TUESDAY.
BUT your msg. came out of the blue.
It was a terrible SHOCK to me to get your msg.
I don't know why it made me SHOCK.
Maybe I was always thought that you would not send any msg. to me. Just like STRANGER.
Although I got your msg. but I never felt happy.
I supposed to happy, but I didn't... I didn't feel HAPPY.
You know why?
Because I had decided to forget you & just treat You as lost contact friend.
Anyway, thank you for your greeting this morning.
And I hope you are very Good at there. God bless you, Mr. F....

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE!

Our Birth is our Opening Balance.
Our Death is our Closing Balance.
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities.
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets.

Heart is our Current Asset.
Soul is our Fixed Asset.
Brain is our Fixed Deposit.
Thinking is our Current Account.
Achievements are our Capital.
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade.
Friends are our General Reserves.
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill.

Patience is our Interest Earned.
Love is our Dividend.
Children are our Bonus Issues.
Education is Brands / Patents.
Knowledge is our Investment.
Experience is our Premium Account.
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.

Those know basic of ACCOUNT, sure will know what these mean. ^^ I love these "Balance Sheet of LIFE".

勇氣不見了~~~

誰把我的勇氣偷走了？

現在想做每件事都“十五十六”。
就連發短訊給他的勇氣也沒有！
我很想知道他現在好嗎？
但是卻害怕∶~
沒有得到他的回復
打擾他
他根本不想有我的任何消息
真的再也不是朋友

而我們真的好像不是朋友了！

我還是會想念你，Mr. F….

April Fool Day 2010

I'm very super DAMN happy today ^^
What had I done today? Hehehehe~~~ I fooled my brother (not the real brother, named Yee Kin).
How did I fool him??? Just keep continue read......


I posted a message said "I get an order from boss, & have business trip to Japan. Then I worried crush the date with Tioman trip.
Just see below of our "conversations"…. ^^


Brother said : 又要去日本廖～
Me said : haiz~~~~
Brother said : 姐，会不会要你 cancel leave 的～？:
Me said : don’t know ler…
Brother said : 晕倒去～～
Me said : u r not the person who faint down... & me shld faint down 1st...
Brother said : 我帮姐你晕倒～
Me said : brother... happy april fool....
Brother said : …… (speechless)
Brother said : 很好，很成功。。囧rz
Brother said : 等下我也来玩他们～XD


I had been long time no fool with people on April Fool Day. I just want to find something fun for myself…
Friends, Happy April Fool 2010 ^^

Are you in love???

When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.
Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh,
your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone.
Then, you are in love.
Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet.
You are desperately waiting for the call!
At that moment, you are in love.
If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone than other many long e-mails,
you are in love.
When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the
emails or SMS messages in your phone because of one message
from that special someone, you are in love.
When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would
not hesitate to think of that special someone.
Then, you are in love..
You keep telling yourself,
"that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction. At that moment, you are in love.
While you are reading this mail, if someone appears in your mind,
then you are in love with that person… ^^

Who is in my mind now??? Um~~~ You!

Another Rainning Day!!!

Just a rainning day, what's the big deal of it?
But I'm so moody!!! Maybe, no way to go!!! No friends accompany!!! & maybe JOHOR BAHRU is a DAMN BORED place. I HATE it actually!!! Aisk~~~
When I can go back TAIPING? I really don't want to stay here, a place that I was not belongs to.......
I really have to spend my life end here (Johor)??? NO~~~ I don't want!!!

How are you, F....-san?

"How are you?" I'm not dare to ask you!
Things to worry about: ~
You are not going to reply!
We are no longer friends!
Or, I'm not qualify to ask!
DAMN silly of me, WHY KEEP MISSING YOU???

To: Mr. F....

每个人心中都住着天使王国与魔鬼王国

雨天
我的心情就像今天的天气一样！
早上，就开始阴阴天，然后就一场算蛮长的长命雨！而我的心情就由早上低落到现在～～～
我心中的天使国王，你何时才会战胜你的敌人“魔鬼国王”？
你不会累吗？我看这场战，看到好累。
我心中的魔鬼王国之战术远远超越天使国王。
其实，我不可以怪天使国王。因为我一直都没有按照它的指示做！
自己辛苦，我又能怪谁？
我要什么？我要的是什么？我倒底要的是什么？
我做的每个决定真的就要顾忌到第三者吗？我活着，是为了别人？为父母？为孩子？为面子？

愛可不可以刻意？

To : F....

從吸引，注意，喜歡，暗戀，開心，失望，放下，驚訝到認識……
這些都可以刻意與不刻意的！但真的是從内心發出來的！
吸引
在一個公司宴會上，我被你吸引了。
你並非擁有俊俏的臉孔，而你就是有那種魅力！
原來，那時候真的有這樣一個你。
吸引，不是刻意！你真的抓著我的視線了！
注意
就因爲被你吸引，而我開始注意你了。
注意你在那個部門，你的名字，你的一舉一動。
注意你已經成爲我的一種習慣。
注意，不是真的刻意！而是，我好像喜歡你了！
喜歡
我不知道何時開始喜歡你，也不知道是否刻意喜歡你。
但是，當我在某個地方遇見你。再坏的心情都會變得很美好！
我真的喜歡你了，我很肯定！
喜歡，不是刻意的！但我可以告訴你嗎？
暗戀
“我喜歡你”這四個字，真的可以告訴你嗎？
我們不相識！我凴什麽跟你說“我喜歡你”呢？
我不知道你身邊是否有個“她”。所以，我只能暗戀你！
暗戀，不能刻意的！只是我不能對你說~~~
開心
開心，真的開心！因爲我有機會跟你接觸了。
在〈多技能〉的計劃下，我跟同事對換工作。
也因爲這計劃，我就有機會進一步跟你交流。
開心，都不是刻意的！雖然只跟你交流兩次~~~
失望
你辭職了！沒有任何預告下地辭職了！
還記得，那時抱著興奮的心情再次跟你交流。而卻沒機會了！
很失望！沒有讓你注意到有這樣一個我。
失望，我不想刻意！我們已經成定局，沒有機會再見面了！
放下
既然，你已離職！我也是時侯放下你了！
因爲打從一開始就知道，我們真的是不同世界的人。
即使我們可以接收彼此。但我卻不知道你在何方？
放下，真的要刻意了！而有時會想知道你現在好嗎？
驚訝
我開始習慣沒有你的一切時！你卻突然出現在我的“要求名單”裏！
那時並不很確定是你，不過心裏卻肯定了你！
爲了要更肯定心裏的肯定。我做了很多，也查了很多！
驚訝，刻意不來！原來你知道有這樣一個我^^
認識
終于可以更深入的認識你了！笑在臉上，甜在心裏。
彼此的交談，我都會回味了再回味。
從中知道你蠻多事情，也知道你是個主意者！
認識，是你刻意了！你開始對我有一點點的喜歡^^
你的喜歡，我很難捉摸~~~
我的喜歡，你都不珍惜~~~
別人都說，我們沒有愛情基礎！
別人都說，遠距離是愛情的第一桶冷水！
我們都為這些而退縮了！
我們都沒有彼此的消息了！
而我卻還想念著你，你呢？
我不知道~~~不過卻很希望你還想念我！
愛情裏讓人很傻！
愛情都是要靠刻意與不刻意的發展，不是嗎？